The Big Fight

I didn't know quite how to approach this. In fact I wasn't even sure that I would write anything at all. I just wasn't sure that Pete Chat was the right forum. A few days ago I was talking to my sister on the phone, and she said that it was very appropriate and would be much appreciated.

My brother in law Don has cancer. I just took me five minutes to type that. It is that difficult to even acknowledge. Everywhere around the world people have cancer, but in Whittier, CA my brother in law has cancer. A man who works hard, loves, his wife, loves his kids, treats others with kindness and respect is being treated for cancer. And you know what? It absolutely sucks.

Mike Tyson famously said "Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth." You say I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that, and one day reality punches you in the mouth.


I have known Don since I was 11 years old. He and my brother in law Marc cast long shadows, but also inspire me to be great.


A few years ago Don called to tell me that they had found skin cancer on his forehead. Obviously I was worried, but if you have to have cancer skin cancer is the kind you want. A little scalpel work on the forehead, a scar that makes for a good story, and no big deal, or so I thought.


Fast forward to just a few weeks ago. I am sitting on my porch, chatting with Don on the phone. We are discussing all the things that we are going to do while I am home for Memorial day. We talked about going to Disneyland and to an Angels game. He asked me about grad school, and work. It could not have been a more normal conversation. And then one month ago  I get a text message from my sister saying she has taken Don to the ER. Next thing I hear, he has a brain tumor. Never in your life will you be prepared to hear those words. 


I start feeling a flood of emotions, what can I do? What is the prognosis? It's all I could think about. And then there will be a moment where I am not thinking about it, I'm thinking about work, or the Angels, or my manager chewing me out after the softball game, but Don always comes back to the forefront of my thoughts. You just can't help but worry.


Family is really what gets you through these tough times. There are a lot of phone calls, emails, prayers and encouragement. 


If you have a brain tumor that needs come out then you need brain surgery. You know when someone says a seemingly simple task, "It's not brain surgery." Well this is in fact brain surgery. It is so scary. It's not like a shoulder surgery, or back surgery, this is your brain, it is in a lot of ways, what makes you, you. I talked to Don on the phone, tried not to get emotional and wished him the best. He felt good about his doctors and that hey would be able to get all the bad stuff out.

When I saw this, I thought Gnarly.

The surgery was a "success" in the sense that they go the tumor out, and Don, was still Don. I put success in quotes because the tumor had spread to Don's lymph nodes and lungs. It is needless to say extremely serious.


Most of you know that this is not the first time I have dealt with a serious medical condition in my family. Four years ago my mom passed away after a series of strokes. Ailing brains are a little much for me to deal with. I flew home and wanted to spend time with my bro. As much as we wanted to just talk about the Angels it seemed so superficial. No matter the amount of faith I have, dealing with mortality is uncomfortable, it's scary. I didn't know what to say or what to do for Don.


The morning I left I went and bought a journal for Don. I knew that he would have a lot of things he was thinking about, and I wanted him to have an opportunity to write it down if he wanted to. 


I wrote him a letter and told him how I felt. I find that sometimes it is easier to write what you are feeling then say it. Don went for a little walk and I followed after him. I ran up to him and gave him a big hug. Even though Don and I are very closer, we aren't really huggers, but that was probably the most genuine hug of my life. I put my arm around his shoulder, and we walked around and talked about the whole situation. He talked about be frustrated about not knowing what would happen. One of his major frustrations was not knowing. It reminded me of a certain Tom Petty song.





In the last ten days the doctors decided on the course of treatment and it actually brought some semblance or consistency. Don will be going through a course of radiation and a alternate to chemo called Yervoy.

So far the treatments have gone well, and Don is feeling pretty good considering. Yesterday he spent a the day with his family celebrating Father's day. We're all taking it day by day, and we're doing it together.